4. Living in the Land Down Under

I set out to study in Australia for the fall of 2011, the start of my Junior year. I can honestly say I have never been so excited or nervous for anything else in my life up until this point. I was going to live in a different country! I was going to live outside of the city I grew up in. I wanted the experience that most of my high school friends had; living far away from anyone you know and “becoming whoever you want to be” as Jen put it. 

This semester was different because I knew I struggled in social setting with roommates. I approached my living situation with caution and did my research on my options. I could live on campus, and run the risk of rooming with other people who would reject me all over again, I could live in an off-campus apartment with other students, or I could do a home-stay with a family. I was immediately drawn to the homestay pamphlets of smiling 20 year olds saying their host families were their favorite part of studying abroad, how they now have a second family they will come visit again in the future.

My plane landed in Australia after a tumultuous trip. I forgot my passport and didn’t realize it until I got to LA after flying from Boston. My mom had to overnight it to the hotel I spent the weekend (thanks mom!). I am also very accident prone and forgetful to a fault, but that is for another blog. I was picked up by a van from the host-company, who drove me 20 minutes away from the airport to the house I will be staying in. The man charged me $80. $80! And I had to give him a tip of course, so I was out way more than I planned.

The place I was staying wasn’t so much a host family that would adore me, but a single woman who was very conservative and told me she thought 20 year olds were “babies”. She made the same ham and mayonnaise sandwich for our lunches every day, and we did not have full access to the kitchen. This woman made her income through the hosting agency by hosting traveling students. The contract was very intimidating. I immediately knew I made a grave mistake.

I had three roommates who all spoke primarily Mandarin and English as their second language. Zo was the other female who was closest in age with me and she was one of the sweetest people I have ever met to this day. She introduced me to Chinese movies and explained to me how different cultures think different things are funny. One memory I have talking with Zo was about Karaoke. Zo was AMAZED that Americans sing Karaoke not to be brilliant at it, but just goofy. 

By public transit it was an hour to campus. I started getting into the routine of going to class, but immediately felt trapped and bored. My life was just going to class, coming home to a place that did not feel like home. I met some other Americans in my Australian history class who went to Notre Dame (the one in Indiana) and lived in the Catholic building on campus.  I awkwardly told them I was gay and had no interest in living in a Catholic dorm but wanted to know what they were like. They were overly nice to me and offered to show me around. They described in detail what sounded like an ideal situation. Everyone had a single room, people ate at the dining hall and every night of the week there was a party to go and drink at. I was sold. I paid an enormous fee to break the contract to get out of the homestay. I didn't want to live in a Catholic dorm to escape my Catholic routes. I applied and was given a spot a protestant dorm called Trinity (ironic, I know). 

Trinity was the largest dorm unit on campus. I liked this because I felt I’d be most anonymous there. I so desperately wanted to be liked, and this way if I made an ass of myself no one would find out and I could start over with new people. This was sort of the case. I was immediately invited out to drink and party with some other Americans and Brits. However over time their patience with my anxiousness and awkwardness waned, and I was slowly not invited to things. I don’t blame them, but it doesn’t make it hurt less. I did make one friend who I flew out to visit where she lived in North Dakota. I love/loved that I make these deep connections and lasting friendships, but I also hated that I couldn’t go out and be normal with people and be in group photos to show friends from home on facebook that I was just like them.

Once I was playing ten fingers with some Aussies who thought it would be interesting to talk to an American. I hated this game. It’s like, “let’s see who’s had a threesome and who hasn’t”. I always also seemed to be the only one who hated this game, leaving me thinking there was something wrong with hating the game. I’ve never been able to play off my inexperience with confidence, the way some people are able to make fun of themselves and it then becomes an endearing quality everyone loves. I’ve always admired when someone had that ability. But no, I had to say “I’ve never had se with a man because I’m a lesbian”, waiting to hear the laughter and see everyone put a finger down. It was dead quiet. One thing about Australia I wasn’t expecting was how conservative it was. For some reason I assumed that the rest of the developed world was like Vermont, and was cool with gay people. Anyway, it was awkward. Why do I do this? Say stupid shit in big groups of people all the time. About a month later I noticed someone wrote “I’m gay” in permanent marker on my door frame. It was small, clearly not meant to humiliate me publicly, but I still felt the regret of what I shared and not being accepted here.

One thing I thought a lot about while I was there was the average Australians’ college experience compared to what I imagined mine would be like in the US. I noticed that the Australians who lived on the Trinity campus were mostly students who went to a private boarding school in high school. I was met with the same situation and feelings as when I first met Elle. I was starting to think the life I thought I would have in college was only really an idea for the upper class, and my situation with Elle wasn’t so unique as I thought it was.

I met only one person who was from another Australian province who wanted to go to college in a different area. This was a stark difference coming from UVM, where ¾ of my class was from out of state. In the US, going to college away from home is almost like a right of passage. Most of the Australians who I met in class lived at home with their parents to save money, at my university back home it was a rarity. There are a lot of different reasons this occurs. Although students are living at home they have more independence than the average American living at home and going to college simply by the way the cities and educational structures are set up. Public education is also a lot cheaper, the university being almost free. But this comes at a cost with taxes I’m sure, so it would make sense for students of moderate income to stay home. Sports are a completely different story however. If I wanted to play Rugby for the school's Rugby club it would have cost me $775 for one semester. At UVM, club sports are about $50 a semester. I wondered a lot about where each country generally puts funding. Australia put their funding towards academics and making tuition affordable for incoming students, while universities in America prioritized campus and student life opportunities for the students who were already there. In Perth, Australia the public transportation wasn't great, but it was still much more robust than anything I had ever experienced. Minimum wage was also $15/hr, making it much easier for young people to save and be independent. There are a lot of reasons I could point to to say "why" America's college system is the way it is, and some might have strong opinions one way or the other. I saw pluses and minuses to both systems, but ultimately yearned for less student debt.